the torment of existence weighed against the agony of nonbeing

LiveJournal is such a piece of crap. Why do I even keep this account

It still pisses me off when people complain about working multiple 11-12 hour days in a row. POOR YOU.

Well of course it would have to be Feeling Good by Muse.

I really really really really want to go here. I think it will be a close to $5000 trip but YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. Student loans be damned. Maybe in the spring, after I've saved a bit? What if I die in a freak accident before I can go? AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

"That odd capacity for destitution, as if by nature we ought to have so much more than nature gives us. As if we are shockingly unclothed when we lack the complacencies of ordinary life. In destitution, even of feeling or purpose, a human being is more hauntingly human and vulnerable to kindnesses because there is the sense that things should be otherwise, and then the thought of what is wanting and what alleviation would be, and how the soul could be put at ease, restored. At home. But the soul finds its own home if it ever has a home at all."

... now what?

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

(c) Max Ehrman 1926

FML

10 things I like that start with ... S

1. Surfing the web and finding the most random and awesome shit, like the urban_decay community on LJ. Old abandoned apartments in Moscow, former state penitentiaries and psychiatric hospitals, crumbling warehouses.

2. Style. Blogs, magazines, improvisation, inspiration.

3. Stanley Kubrick movies (The Shining, Lolita, A Clockwork Orange, 2001: A Space Odyssey)

4. Summer, especially in southern California. Endless days and balmy twilights, dusty fenced yards in the valley, pink-orange light drenching the ocean at the Santa Monica Pier. Strip malls. Freeways at midnight.

5. Scrubs. Not the show. Honestly this is one of the reasons why I went into EM: I get to wear pajamas to work.

6. Starlight: both sky-gazing under the full moon and the song by Muse.

7. Starbucks. I won't lie. Safe havens on every street corner in New York.

8. Showers -- long, hot showers after 32 straight hours in the hospital, washing off all the accumulated grit and nastiness.

9. Subtlety. Is underrated.

10. SHAKE SHACK